Kymaro New Body Shaper - Really sucks. Really.: Does it get any better than this photo? Honestly.

After a long night of Vicks and Tylenol Warming I still had a hard time sleeping and I ran into this new miracle product -Kymaro New Body Shaper (Starting at: $39.95). You just place it on under your clothes to rid yourself of that pesky upper gunt, those menacing cottage cheese rolls, and chunky back flab. 

I have got to you I was more than a little sceptical. "Lose 6 inches by simply putting on a piece of clothing? It cant be!"

Im not sure if it was all the drugs I was on, or not getting enough oxygen from all the coughing (I am sure I have swine flue), but this product really seemed to work wonders for the women who tried them on. I was almost convinced this product is just what people need (who refuse to diet and live entirely off vending machine snacks and McDonalds) when the above woman appeared during the commercial. She had this crazed look in her eyes that you only get when your an addict - in her case im not sure if its crack or crackers.

It was obvious at this time what was really going on. Kymaro picked up thesewomen off the streets with promises of empty calories and a slimmer figure. This woman who I call "Paula" had this strained, addict, look in her eyes and I knew then she was duped. She has been enslaved by the Kymaro and would say ANYTHING to get to the buffet table (which I could tell she was eyeing the whole time).

The proof is in the pudding Paula. You sold your soul for some cold cuts and Krispy Kreme and now women all over America are buying this product thinking it will be the miracle they need to ditch the diet and just suck it all it with the Kymaro. You should be ashamed. 

Paula, I doubt youll read this, but if you do, the google search of "kymaro" brings up mostly complaints from women claiming this product does not work. You lied to them, you betrayed their trust, you let them fall even deeper into the fast food slump and now they are nothing but shells of former human beings. Are you happy Paula?

Why isnt Paula telling the real deal to all of these women? Maybe she doesn't know so i will fill her in:

Hello! All you need to do Paula is get off the fast food junket, work out, and be healthier!

If you cant manage that then at the very least don't hock overpriced girdles on late night tv and just suck it all in for the camera. Everyone can see the lies - in your eyes, and your thighs.