If you’re like me, when you watch the Twilight movies you think two things: 1. You are disgusted at the horrible way relationships are portrayed, particularly the romanticism of stalking and emotionally abusive behavior; and 2. You are giddy over the possibilities of endless angry blog posts, articles, and perhaps even satirical books you could produce over this heinous excuse for entertainment.
The only people who willingly go to see sparkling vampires and werewolves with six pack abs and enjoy it are screaming teenagers, after all—or, at least, they should be.
But recently someone put together this amazing video of how the Twilight series should have gone—or would have gone, rather, if instead of insipid Bella Swan we had been given someone a bit more kickass—say, Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
The video is about six minutes long, but oh, so worth it. If you got so fed up and sick every time Edward creepily mentioned how he followed Bella, watched her sleep, or wanted to “protect” her whilst attempting to not eat her, or if every time he psychologically and emotionally abused her with his “Be with me! No, you can’t! Wait, now you can!” yo-yo treatment, or the way he coddled her like a child and forbade her from things like her father, or pretty much blackmailed her into having sex and becoming a vampire, or any of the other stupid things Mr. Sparkle did to her in the books and movie—or if you were, in turn, completely fed up with little mousey Bella and her constant, “He’s so perfect and I’ll do whatever he says!” attitude—you absolutely must watch this move:
Now that’s a series I could get behind. Of course, it would all be over in—well, six minutes—eliminating the need for a series at all. But was there ever really one in the first place?
Of course, there are some other Twilight classics that you might love as well. I know I do!
Bad Lip Reading: There are two different videos. I think I like the “Mice have weewees?” video best, though my husband really enjoys the “Who shaves you?” one. I would love to see them make many more of these. I’d actually sit through the movies again if they were dubbed like this.
Rastafarian Abortionist: This one is just so ridiculous and stupid that you can’t help but laugh over the “embarrassing” way friends turn into wolves or how vampires owe each other money. I could do without the sexist violence against women, though.