Carrie Prejean: In the News Again

Carrie, Carrie, Carrie. Why don't you stop your fricking whining about the Miss California title and get the frick over it?  Today, I woke up, read the news, relaxed with a cup of coffee and had to see your stupid face again. For some stupid reason, when you got fired from your "job", I thought you would shut the f- up. How wrong I was.

Now you are suing the Miss California pageant for "libel, public disclosure of private facts, religious discrimination, intentional infliction of emotional distress, and negligent infliction of emotional distress." To quote from her attorney:

"We will make the case that her title was taken from her solely because of her support of traditional marriage."

No, that's not exactly why you got fired Carrie, but that is why you sound stupid. You not only told Perez Hilton about your views on same sex marriage, you told your views to the entire population of the United States. While reigning as Miss California, you aligned yourself Focus on the Family who is about my least favorite organization in the US with the possible exception of the NRA.


If you think I am being unfair to Carrie,  listen to this Focus on the Family James Dobson interview with our failed princess. It's all about how Perez Hilton trapped poor Carrie with his question about gay marriage and how brave she is to take a stand for "traditional marriage".

To over-compensate for her tougher question during the pageant, James didn't give her a single hard question. Sample hard-hitting questions included: you were a lot of fun as a kid, weren't you? Her amazing answer? Yes, I was. Another sample: You have done this a lot, haven't you?

My favorite Carrie lines:

I had never been more prepared to win the Miss USA.


As soon as he started asking me the question, I knew that I was either going to please man or I was going to please God.

Is she saying that most people in the US actually support same sex marriage? I am not sure.

According to Carrie, she knew she was not going to win just after answering the question. According to Lou Dobson, who makes Carrie sound perfectly sane, the Lord is using Carrie all over this country. His purpose is to save the Christians who might be too cowardly to say that they do not support gay marriage.

The absolute worst part of the interview? She loves gay people and has many gay friends and has had many gay people affirm her position. Sounds like Sarah Palin to me.

Homovipers and De-fagification: Who said it?

Can you guess which famous person once referred to a school as “a nest of homovipers,” and urged the "de-fagification" of her profession? If you guessed Julia Child, you would be correct. In anticipation of the Meryl Streep driven bio-pic about Mrs. Childs, several bloggers are today recalling that in 1992 Julia Child was sued for blocking the advancement of a gay chef and that Child was frequently quoted using epithets towards gay men. For a fascinating read about Julia Child's attitutes towards gender roles, homosexuality, masculinity, and marriage, do not miss this excellent piece, replete with several interesting (and offensive) quotes. Bon Appetit!

 

Star Trek V: Worst Trek Ever . . . And Now We Know Why

Twenty years ago Paramount Studios inflicted Star Trek V on a guiltless and unsuspecting audience.

Start Trek IV had been a resounding success, funny, and familiar and with whales! But Shatner directed Star Trek V. And apparently the world, twenty years later, still wants some amelioration for our pain. This video may be it. And honestly, I think the original clip of Shatner talking about the making of Star Trek V may be even funnier because it explains so very much.

For those of you who want a free MP3 of the song from Fall On Your Sword in the first video, go here.

"We completely understand the public’s concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population"

The idea of flesh-eating biomass-fueled robots isn't new. Misinformer.com posted this open letter to Science, back in the brave new year 2000, in fact. One of the funniest paragraphs in the letter demands, "Remember Terminator? A dark future where robots become self-aware, rebel, and take over the planet. Remember that? You know what? Those robots DIDN'T EVEN EAT MEAT and they stomped mankind into a greasy pink stain on history just because they FELT LIKE IT! Can you imagine if they actually needed to EAT US for FUEL? "

But did Science listen? No, of course not! Because what could possibly go wrong with autonomous flesh-eating robots, right?

You know those days that you read something, then have to read it again, because you think to yourself, "that cannot possibly mean what it says..." That's exactly how I felt a couple of weeks ago, when I read the announcements about the Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot (EATR™) project. 

"EATR is an autonomous robotic platform able to perform long-range, long-endurance military missions without the need for manual or conventional re-fueling. The patent pending robotic system can find, ingest and extract energy from biomass in the environment, as well as use conventional and alternative fuels (such as gasoline, diesel, propane and solar) when suitable." 

Yes. Biomass. As in "the bodies of living or once-living things." Some people speculated that in a battlefield situation the EATR-bots could power themselves on corpses. At least, if it weren't for those pesky Geneva conventions about desecrating the bodies of fallen combatants.

Did I mention that the EATR robot will have a powerful claw arms, pincers, and a chainsaw? Because, y'know, it's not already enough like a cracktastic steampunk short story, sort of like Terminator as written by Jules Verne.

Wired.com said of the project, "Researchers seem to get a kick out of ensuring the demise of the human species, so the project is called the Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot, or EATR. Wired.com readers looking to save time and trouble are invited to begin marinating themselves in a mix of 10W30 and Heinz 57 Sauce immediately."

Apparently, the internet outcry after this announcement was such that Cyclone Power Technologies Inc. and their partner in this venture, Robotic Technology Inc. , felt the issue simply had to be publicly addressed.

I bring you the funniest sentence from a press release I've ever seen, anywhere, from any company:

“We completely understand the public’s concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission,” stated Harry Schoell, Cyclone’s CEO.

Thank heavens. The notion of Zombie War Robots chomping their way across battlefields was one of those simultaneously fascinating and repellent concepts that my brain just couldn't release. Now I don't have to worry anymore, because, according to the company building the war-robots, the EATRs will be strict vegetarians.

I feel so much better about the whole situation, now.

Because building cyborg bugs just isn't challenging enough, those wacky mad scientist types are hard at work, meanwhile, figuring out how to build carniverous lamps and clocks with the corpses of flies, ants, and in at least one case, mice—bringing a whole new meaning to "build a better mousetrap."

Megan Fox Refuses to Make a Sex Tape

 

Megan Fox is so smoking hot that I have to close my eyes when I look at her lest her beauty strike me down. That is why the latest news about the Jonah Hex star is not all that surprising: She is refusing to make a sex tape for a fan!

 

Megan Fox appeared at a Comic-Con Conference and met the Nerds of the Nerds during a Question & Answer Session about "Jonah Hex". 

 

A new film graduate, whose name has not been released, asked her for her assistance in getting his "film career" going with a "celebrity sex tape". According to the Courier-Mail, the man was then taken away "to an undisclosed location". 

 

I have two things to say to about this guy who was more than likely smoking the metaphorical crack-pipe. First, he was lucky he was not tasered like the guy who was stupid enough to think he could ask John Kerry a question. (Don't Tase Me Bro Link here!)

 

Second, don't you think someone like Seth Rogen (sp) would have been a lot more approachable? Granted, I don't think he was at the conference, but he did make a movie about making a porno. It definitely would not be as much fun to watch Seth Rogen in bed as it would Megan Fox, but I bet Seth would be a little more ready, willing, and able. 

 

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