The Surgeon Took More Than Just the Foreskin

Man Suing Hospital After Waking Up with Something Missing

Be forewarned, men. This hot off the presses little news snippet is likely to disturb you so much that you will be scared to have any kind of medical procedure done for the rest of your lives. A Kentucky truck driver went in for surgery to have a routine circumcision due to an infection and had a little more than his foreskin removed. After the surgery, the man had either the tip of the penis or his entire penis removed depending on whose version of events you believe.

The surgeon claims that there was a “life-threatening cancer” on the penis, which is why he decided to then amputate the tip of the man’s penis.

Phillip Seaton, the unfortunate man whose penis was amputated, is suing the Jewish hospital where the surgery took place because Mr. Seaton had no prior knowledge before the surgery that he had cancer or that his penis was going to be removed from his body.

The doctor and his attorney are refuting Mr. Seaton’s claim; he has stated that Mr. Seaton authorized the extreme procedure before surgery and that the doctor “had only removed the tip of the penis.” According to the doctor and his attorney, a different surgeon actually amputated the rest of Mr. Seaton’s penis later.  

The trial in this case sounds much more interesting than a majority of other trials. Thus far in the trial, there have been four pictures of the area where Mr. Seaton’s penis used to be. I don’t know the amount of damages that Mr. Seaton and his wife are suing for. However, if Seatons are proven correct in court, the amount of money granted to them might be huge.  

According to THIS, the major issue in the case seems to be whether or not a surgeon has the right to take necessary step that he or she believes will save a person’s life without the patient in question’s explicit permission. Of course, the surgeon is claiming that he had the patient’s permission prior to the surgery, so that’s another quandary to be decided in courts.

However you look at it, Mr. and Mrs. Seaton have to be two of the unluckiest people on the face of the earth. I can’t imagine that most men would react well to a penis amputation, even if the particular surgery was in fact a life-saving procedure.
 

Men, how much would you sue for if the same exact thing happened to you?

ATTN: Gerard Depardieu and Other Drunk Passengers

Pee Before You Get on the Plane

 

A delay of game penalty was award to French actor Gerard Depardieu for his contribution to delaying a Paris to Dublin flight by two hours. Just minutes before the plane was scheduled to take off, the apparently drunk Gerard Depardieu announced loudly that he needed to piss. Two times in fact. The bossy stewardesses who are responsible for ensuring that all of the passengers are safe during take off--even the drunk, disorderly, and famous ones--attempted to force the star of Green Card to remain seated. 

 

When a man has to go he has to go. I’m not sure if Gerard Depardieu had already broken the seal or not, but he really had to pee and didn’t listen to the stewardesses’ requests. He refused to remain seated, which is what makes this story so absolutely fantabulous. According to THIS, a passenger seated near the popular and critically acclaimed French actor later reported that, “he stood up and did it (urinated) on the ground.”

 

You might guess that that big of a star would get away with something like that, but you would be absolutely wrong. Gerard Depardieu did not get special treatment because of his celebrity and was in fact escorted off the plane for his rather atrocious behavior. Thus far, there hasn’t been an official response from Gerard Depardieu or his publicist about the actor’s actions on the plane. 

 

As bad as Gerard Depardieu’s actions once were, THIS STORY about the man who actually urinated on a woman during a flight instead of just on the floor is slightly more disturbing. The man actually stood up to urinate on the woman during the in-flight movie. She tried to push him out of her way, but he kept on peeing. I’m not sure whether it’s worse that he peed on her in the first place or that he kept on peeing on her or that he ruined the in-flight movie for everyone else. 

 

Had either Gerard Depardieu or the other peeing passenger taken advantage of these pee receptacles described on THIS WEBSITE, they might not have had so many problems on each of their respective flights. Anyone planning a trip with a weak bladder should consider investing in either the TravelJohn, the GoGirl, or the Urinelle. 

The moral of this story is: Go to the bathroom before you get on the plane. Or come prepared with a secret receptacle. Just in case. 

 

 

 

 

Willy Wonka's Mixed Messages

My daughter is a new fan of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. While she adores most of the movie (though, like me, has to have the creepy boat ride fast-forwarded through), I have discovered that much of the movie is confusing—maybe not for her, so much, but definitely for me in my older age.

Sure, I never questioned it as a kid, but what is up with the whole shaming kids for loving sweets when the company is, in fact, the sweet maker? Augustus Gloop is chastised for being greedy and “eating as much as an elephant eats,” but it’s the very makers of the candy singing it to him! How is that any different from the makers of tobacco calling their customers stupid for smoking? You could make the same argument with producers of guns or alcohol who maintain that their users need to “be responsible” with their products. This, of course, waives any responsibility that they might have to face as producers.

Though the message might have been to eat in moderation, it seemed to me that not only was Augustus a child and not completely responsible for his behavior, but he also ate what his parents provided him with. If anything, the Oompa Loompas should have been singing about his mother and father (which they mention in passing—though they themselves, of course, are not punished, as he is)—if not about their own sugar-laden products. Did they not just entice the entire world to buy as much chocolate as it could, after all, for a chance to come to the factory in the first place?

And how about the whole idea that Wonka is entrusting his whole factory to some random kid who found a golden ticket after eating a truckload of chocolate? All that’s going to prove is the kid loves candy (with the exception of Mike Teevee, who hates it), not that he or she is a good leader or kind to his or her workers or can even keep the company from falling under. That’s just sheer ridiculousness. But, since it’s for children and it’s magical and fun, that’s one I could let slide.

Then there was the fact that Charlie won at all. He returned the gobstopper; so what? He broke just as many, if not more, rules than the other kids and nearly died doing it. If the Oompa Loompas had a chance to sing about every other kid’s misbehavior, why not sing about Charlie drinking something Wonka specified not to drink? The ending, like the rest of the movie, made no sense—and it wouldn’t matter, since it’s a fun kid film, except for the fact that they introduced the concept of ethics in the first place with their holier than thou musical numbers.

I asked my daughter what she likes about the film and her response was an obvious one, much like my own at her age—it’s funny, she likes the candy, and how the kids turn into tiny versions of themselves or into blueberries. Well, that’s fine. But if she reads more into it—and eventually, like me, she probably will—we’ll probably have to have a conversation about some big discrepancies. And when that happens, I might just make up my own songs to sing.

Olympia Man Burke Kenny WIns International Mustache Competition

How much food do you think he gets caught in his beard?

 

 

 

Not all of the news out of Norway is bad. A local man from Olympia just returned home from Norway after winning the World Beard and Mustache for his stupendous stash. 

First off, congrats and kudos to the winner of the stash competition. With all of the bearded and mustached men worldwide, it’s quite a feat to be recognized for your stash at all. But it’s even better when your mustache--which you have probably worked long and hard to grow despite criticisms from girlfriends about food caught inside it---gets critically acclaimed as the best mustache in the entire world. 

What was his official title? I believe that Burke Kenny was awarded the official title of: Full Beard with Styled Mustache. Burke Kenny also won the same prize at the mustache championships in England four years before. He told the Seattle Times that a few of the other mustached folks are “gunning for him,” but he doesn’t seem to lose any sleep over it. 

Having a fantabulsous mustache is what every man dreams of before going to sleep at night. Or so I hear. And definitely, when a woman is looking for a fine man to date, she wants a man with an impressive and well-groomed mustache and beard. Or at least as long as there is no egg inside the mustache and/or beard because it ruins what I like to call the Dumbeldore effect. 

While Burke Kenny’s beard isn’t necessarily all the most well-groomed I’ve seen, it is quite impressive. 

Interestingly enough, Burke Kenny is not out to get the babes with his mustache. According to the Seattle Times, the competitive mustache circuit for Kenny means “traveling the world, drinking beer with friends and having a good time.”

There is actually an upcoming reality TV show about mustache competitions which is called: Whisker Wars. Burke Kenny didn’t make the shave (I mean, cut) for the reality TV, which is kind of a bummer. However, one of his best friends--presumably one of the ones drinking beer with him at the mustache competitions--is featured as a star on the Mustache Wars. 

Burke Kenny has advice for other guys out there: "I encourage men to grow quality facial hair, if they can," Kenny said. "And wear it humbly."

He claims that beards and mustaches don’t always get the recognition they deserve, so is hopeful that more men will take to wearing facial hair. 

Megan Fox Does or Doesn’t Use Botox!

The first words that come to my mind—and, I would hope, to most other people’s minds—are, who freakin’ cares? Megan Fox is an autonomous adult and free to do whatever she pleases with her body. I don’t care if she gets fake whiskers implanted into her face like the people of Panem do in The Hunger Games. It’s her choice.

So why is a discussion of whether or not she gets Botox an actual news headline?

Then, there is an even more problematic cultural sickness that comes from the fascination with Fox’s face. As Melissa McEwan pointed out over at Shakesville today, Megan cannot win. Either she gets Botox to stay youthful and beautiful as the status quo demands, or she doesn’t and her industry (and the media itself) shuns her. If she admits to it, she’s less than a human being; if she doesn’t, she is a worthless liar; and whatever she says is going to be debates, scrutinized, and refuted no matter what in the name of gossip.

And this all stems from our repulsive view of beauty in this country. And as McEwan also points out, Fox is an absolute, pardon the pun, fox—I wish she didn’t feel the need to make herself more beautiful because she’s already downright gorgeous, yet here it’s at least implied that she does. And if she doesn’t, captions like, “Megan Fox: Pretty, then sexy, now ‘done’” aren’t being remotely fair to her. The media already turned her into a sex symbol, and now they want to make her a beauty pariah.

Are we jealous of her—is that why the scrutiny is there? Or are we just so used to treating celebrity women like pieces of meat instead of actual people that we don’t really give a damn how they feel?

And who is paying these doctors to analyze her photos, by the way? I doubt a doctor could even make a good diagnosis with a photo, especially with something like skin. It would have to be seen in person. I would think a digital photo expert would be more helpful in such instances than a doctor would. Either way, why are they even spending time with this? Why can’t we just trust Fox to disclose what she does or doesn’t want to share about her personal life?

Even if she is lying, it sure would not be the first time a woman lied about her appearance. Don’t women (and men!) in Hollywood lie about their age, medical procedures, and drug rehab stints all of the time? Sure, it’s not easy to do with sites like IMDB and Wikipedia around, but it still happens. It’s not exactly newsworthy.

Megan, I hope you know that you are a beautiful woman and that you don’t need to alter your appearance in any way—whether it’s now or when you are sixty years old. But if you want to, it’s your own prerogative—and it’s nobody else’s damn business. You seem like a badass, too; I’d just use that the next time you’re asked about a procedure and tell people to piss off, myself.

Michele Bachmann Signs Racist, Homophobic Conservative Pledge

 

Michele Bachmann just signed a pledge illustrating her commitment to hating gay people and sexual freedom forever and ever, amen. It's a little confusing to parse, mostly because some of the language and allegories used will make you step back from your desk in horror/bewilderment/frustration. Seriously, I don't know who writes this stuff, or what candidates like Bachmann have to gain from signing it.

Take, for example, the claim that children born into slavery were better off than children born now in a single-parent household or worse, to gay parents. "Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African-American baby born after the election of the USA's first African-American President," the text reads. Yeah, it's that bad. Conservatives harp so hard on the "mother and father" point that they'll actually go so far as to claim that it's better to be a slave child with a mommy and daddy than it is to be a American child in the present with just one mother or two fathers. Pretty disgusting stuff, especially considering how often slave families were broken up as children or parents were sold to different households. Does anyone proofread this kind of stuff before it goes out? And how on earth do people still call foul on those who claim that the Tea Party harbors racists? What is going on? What year am I living in?

Michelle Bachman: This One's For You

. . . and everyone else who doesn't know their U. S. Presidents

Stephanopoulos: But that’s not what you said. You said that the Founding Fathers worked tirelessly to end slavery.

Bachmann: Well if you look at one of our Founding Fathers, John Quincy Adams, that’s absolutely true. He was a very young boy when he was with his father serving essentially as his father’s secretary. He tirelessly worked throughout his life to make sure that we did in fact one day eradicate slavery…. (from ABC News)

John Quincy Adams (1767–1848) was the sixth President of the United States. He was by no means a "founding father." I realize lots of people are not as well versed as we'd like regarding history, but they usually know that they're not equipped to ponitificate about history. 

Apparently, Ms. Bachmann hasn't paid enough attention to The Animaniacs:

 

Next Up: "Conjunction Junction"

Chris Crocker: Freak of Nature - or Sad Stereotype?

It is no surprise that Chris Crocker is not an appropriate role model for our youth - I wouldn't say this is only because he is a "skank" but because he perpetuates some very damaging (and sad) stereotypes. His (softcore porn) "music video" "Freak of Nature" got me thinking about these stereotypes and the tragic physical and social cues he exhibits - so I decided to point out a few of them. As a bit of an "overshare" when I was growing up in the late 90's to early 2000's this is the same type of stuff I did, too, but on a whole other level... think less skank and more "I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it". When I watch the video I am like "is this a parody? Is this guy for real?" and each time I remind myself that yes ... this mess is real ... and he's no freak of nature - just a sad, washed up, gutter skank. I wonder who profits off of this stuff? In any case here's the stuff to pay attention to (and despise) while you watch the Chris Crocker "Freak of Nature" video:

After trying to get all of the stuff that disturbs me about Chris Crocker and the Freak of Nature video I realize there is just WAY too much. You will see what I mean if you watch the video below:

 

David Hasselhoff: Germans, The Hoffsicle, and the Brits

Why is the World Now in Love with David Hasselhoff?

Tom Waits used to be “Big in Japan.”

David Hasselhoff  is and has always been “Big in Germany.”

Americans have long questioned the Germans’ inexplicable fascination with David Hasselhoff. Do Germans love David Hasselhoff because of his ability to rock a hairy chest as this blogger speculates? Or do the Germans love David Hasselhoff because he drove the world’s coolest talking car? It certainly can’t be David Hasselhoff’s musical ability or his penchant for getting drunk and rolling around on the floor.

Or are the rumors even true? Do Germans really love David Hasselhoff or is it just another Urban Legend?

I asked a couple of Germans about the supposed German obsession with Hasselhoff. One said that the rumor that Germans love David Hasselhoff was “worse than toothache” and asked “who the hell spreads that?” Another German said that Germans liked David Hasselhoff because Germans thought that Hasselhoff was the “typical American.” He added that he liked Hasselhoff for his “self-destructive lifestyle,” much the same way he thought Americans appreciated Charlie Sheen right now.

(The Germans I asked may have forgotten that David Hasselhoff performed in 1989 at the Berlin Wall, which probably added quite a bit to the “Legend of Hasselhoff” as well as his street cred with Germans. His two big music hits in Germany were “Looking for Freedom” and “Crazy for You.”) 

To be fair to the Germans, Americans are not without a bit of Hasselhoff-love ourselves. If we didn’t love David Hasselhoff, why would Del Monte make a Hoffsicle for Americans to lick and enjoy on hot summer days? (Of course, licking a Hoffsicle can’t be any better than licking the real David Hasselhoff, not that I’ve had the pleasure personally.) Not many celebrities have popsicles made in their likeness, so this is quite an honor.

In addition to the Germans and Americans, the Brits now LOVE David Hasselhoff; according to THIS, David Hasselhoff was voted “Britain’s smoothest TV personality.” I don’t know about you, but this news makes me cringe at the thought of what the state of British TV must be like right now—I always that Brits were smooth in general, but maybe the word has a different connotation here than it does on the other side of the pond. In 2011, David Hasselhoff became a judge on “Britain’s Got Talent,” where he is now apparently much-beloved by his British fans. 

Pages