The idea of flesh-eating biomass-fueled robots isn't new. Misinformer.com posted this open letter to Science, back in the brave new year 2000, in fact. One of the funniest paragraphs in the letter demands, "Remember Terminator? A dark future where robots become self-aware, rebel, and take over the planet. Remember that? You know what? Those robots DIDN'T EVEN EAT MEAT and they stomped mankind into a greasy pink stain on history just because they FELT LIKE IT! Can you imagine if they actually needed to EAT US for FUEL? "
But did Science listen? No, of course not! Because what could possibly go wrong with autonomous flesh-eating robots, right?
You know those days that you read something, then have to read it again, because you think to yourself, "that cannot possibly mean what it says..." That's exactly how I felt a couple of weeks ago, when I read the announcements about the Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot (EATR™) project.
"EATR is an autonomous robotic platform able to perform long-range, long-endurance military missions without the need for manual or conventional re-fueling. The patent pending robotic system can find, ingest and extract energy from biomass in the environment, as well as use conventional and alternative fuels (such as gasoline, diesel, propane and solar) when suitable."
Yes. Biomass. As in "the bodies of living or once-living things." Some people speculated that in a battlefield situation the EATR-bots could power themselves on corpses. At least, if it weren't for those pesky Geneva conventions about desecrating the bodies of fallen combatants.
Did I mention that the EATR robot will have a powerful claw arms, pincers, and a chainsaw? Because, y'know, it's not already enough like a cracktastic steampunk short story, sort of like Terminator as written by Jules Verne.
Wired.com said of the project, "Researchers seem to get a kick out of ensuring the demise of the human species, so the project is called the Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot, or EATR. Wired.com readers looking to save time and trouble are invited to begin marinating themselves in a mix of 10W30 and Heinz 57 Sauce immediately."
Apparently, the internet outcry after this announcement was such that Cyclone Power Technologies Inc. and their partner in this venture, Robotic Technology Inc. , felt the issue simply had to be publicly addressed.
I bring you the funniest sentence from a press release I've ever seen, anywhere, from any company:
Thank heavens. The notion of Zombie War Robots chomping their way across battlefields was one of those simultaneously fascinating and repellent concepts that my brain just couldn't release. Now I don't have to worry anymore, because, according to the company building the war-robots, the EATRs will be strict vegetarians.
I feel so much better about the whole situation, now.
Because building cyborg bugs just isn't challenging enough, those wacky mad scientist types are hard at work, meanwhile, figuring out how to build carniverous lamps and clocks with the corpses of flies, ants, and in at least one case, mice—bringing a whole new meaning to "build a better mousetrap."