More Creepy Fashion News

If the talking, seeing, all-knowing Sauron clothes weren’t enough, now we’ll have something else to contend with: Big Brother clothes.

Wal-Mart apparently isn’t happy with being the devil; now it has chosen to take the role of General Devil God. In other words, it will start inserting “smart tags” into its clothing sometime this month. These electronic tags will not be able to be turned off by buyers (though they can remove them) and they are, yes, trackable, meaning that Wal-Mart will now be tagging its victims like a wild animal species.

Of course, the retail giant insists that its actions are purely from a business perspective in order to track their inventory (rather than its wearers) and maintain their stock needs (which I don’t see how this concept is helped at all by the devices). The pilot system will start with jeans and underwear, presumably including more items as it continues.

By scanning the clothing items at the store, retail operators can tell which sizes need to be re-stocked, keeping shelves well filled and maintained. Of course, this kind of thing is pretty damn easy to do by human hand without the need to put human tracking devices on pieces of underwear—and with the rates that Wal-Mart hires people, it’s surely less costly as well.

Some privacy advocates say that not only is it wrongful to allow this technology to exist—letting people be tracked by such means, a tool that could fall into some pretty evil hands (though it’s already being manufactured by a pair of the most evil ones around, I’d wage)—but it could also lead to some pretty psycho tactics by criminals or marketers who could simply dig through people’s garbage to scan their stuff.

Several states are manufacturing personal ID cards that contain people’s personal information in a scan-able system as well (yours might be one if you live in New York, Washington, or several other states). Privacy advocates worry that these scanners might be able to garner information from the ID cards as well, allowing the company to access one’s complete personal information while shopping.

Nearly 4,000 Wal-Mart stores will be carrying this new technology by the end of the month. It’s time to start buying your trousers and knickers elsewhere, folks. Of course, many say that it won’t be long before other major retail giants will be using the same technology, leading me to one conclusion: be prepared to be tracked, or get a sewing machine. And maybe some cotton seeds.

Dirty Laundry on Facebook

I’ve had many complaints about the social network giant Facebook lately, I know. I don’t know if I’m just sick of it—or if what it has slowly become has made me sick. (I did get sick from the heat over the weekend, but I’m pretty sure that has nothing to do with Facebook.) There are a lot of hate groups, a lot of whiny people, and a lot of negative comments on the site that I would much rather stay away from, thank you very much. There’s also a lot of stupid games (and equally stupid posts), and the activist links I used to give and receive with my small list of friends has quickly been dwarfed by a massive list of friends and family—from all periods of my life, which is cool, I must admit—and so many either boring, whiny, or downright disturbing posts that I don’t even enjoy visiting the home page anymore.

When I do manage to sift through (often “hiding” many feeds) the mass lately, I have noticed that many of my friends and family members have taken to airing out their dirty laundry on the site. Sometimes all I can do is sit and gape at what I’ve read. I’m no Jerry Springer fan, but if I were, I probably wouldn’t need to watch the show; I have Facebook.

Between people posting about their marital issues, their financial situations, their custody battles, and everything in between, I don’t think anyone remembers what the word privacy means anymore. I used to think that Facebook had privacy issues; now I see why they probably think that they don’t matter. Why should they, after all, when its members are posting about their husbands sleeping around, their need to get laid, or how much they despise their children? It’s utter madness.

Then, you have the alternate side of things—random people providing random advice to those who post their problems. Usually these are people who are not even that close, or adults posting advice on children’s and teen’s walls that has a 99.9% chance of being either ignored or ridiculed. I get that their hearts are in the right place, but they don’t like your advice when you give it to them face-to-face; why would they like it when you post it for their friends to see, too? That’s another thing—parents posting on all of their kids’ statuses seems to be a regular occurrence now, too. Though my parents are not on Facebook, I can imagine that the constant commenting—“Haha, LOL, that’s my girl, I love you, when will you call me, your mother wants you to call her!”—can get annoying.

I can’t even remember the last time I updated my own Facebook status. When I did, it was probably either about library books or a cute quote I overheard my four-year-old say. (Yeah, that probably annoys people too, but so what? It’s not that personal and she is hilarious. It’s no different from that John Steward YouTube video you posted.) I’m just so disenfranchised with the thing it turns me off. That said, I still don’t think I’ll be leaving anytime soon, since it did, after all, connect me with one of my old best friends from my childhood—whose daughter is now my own daughter’s dear friend—and several other people I’ve missed along the way.

Laura Schlessenger, Dr. Malpractice

Dr. Laura Schlessenger is in a bit of hot water, because she used the nasty "N" word on her radio program. She used it more than once. She went into a what can only be called a "n" word rant.

An African-American woman married to a white dude called for advice. The caller thought her husband's white friends were wrong for using the N word.

A partial transcript of Dr Laura use of the "n" word:

CALLER: Is it OK to say that word? Is it ever OK to say that word?

DR. LAURA: It depends how it's said. Black guys talking to each other seem to think it's ok.

CALLER: But you're not black, they're not black, my husband is white.

DR. LAURA: Oh, I see, so a word is restricted to race. Got it. Can't do much about that.

CALLER: I can't believe someone like you is on the radio spewing out the n-word, and I hope everybody heard it.

DR. LAURA: I didn't spew out the n-word!

CALLER: You said "nigger, nigger, nigger," and I hope everybody heard it.

DR. LAURA: Yes they did, and I'll say it again: nigger, nigger, nigger is what you hear on HBO.

[Crosstalk]

DR. LAURA: Why don't you let me finish a sentence? Don't take things out of context. Don't NAACP me, leave them in context.

Dr Laura later, the next day, apologized, and apologized, and apologized. Methinks her sponsors may have suggested that she should.

I do not believe Dr Laura S. to be a racist. I believe her to be a quack. For years she has given out idiotic advice. My lord, why would any sensible person telephone her for advice? She is an opinionated malpracticing quack. A reactionary doofus of the first order.

10 Awesome Chopped Spinoffs, Part II

5. Comedians

Comedians must come up with all new material during the appetizer round. Material must surround topics provided by the game. In Round II, comedians have to perform the material in front of a rowdy bar crowd and make the customers laugh at least 75% of the time. In round III, they must take turns dodging thrown vegetables, drinks, and chairs, with the most points going to the person who sustains the least amount of injuries.

4. CPAs

Each accountant must sign, stamp, and seal as many papers as possible in ten minutes. During round II, a complete audit of a major, unsavory corporation (Enron, Halliburton, ect.) must be conducted within 30 minutes. In round III, each accountant must explain the ins and outs of financial, estate, and tax planning and preparation to a client without making him or her fall asleep.

3. People of Wal-Mart

While this may not be a profession, this will undoubtedly be an entertaining show. In the first round, random people of Wal-Mart will be selected to participate in a “Talent Show” showcasing both A. a five minute performance of a talent they have (whether it be dancing, singing, or burping their ABC’s with their armpits) and B. a five minute performance of a mystery talent they’re provided with, such as juggling, cart wheeling, or reciting a sonnet provided. In Round II, shoppers will take the audience on a “normal” visit to Wal-Mart, with the judges rating each visit by originality/creativity, level of cringe-worthiness, and legality. During Round III, Wal-Mart employees get to take revenge on their customers by refusing to refund purchases, parking shopping carts behind their cars, and checking items out as slowly as possible. Whichever contestant manages to survive this round and return to Wal-Mart the same day wins the round.

2. MacGyver

Construction workers, contractors, and random people at Lowe’s who are trying to do home improvement projects compete to make things out of Q-tips, Saran wrap, ice cube trays, and anything else in the “basket.” Each round they have to make something bigger—from a boat to a home to a Las Vegas casino.

1. Twilight Fans

While this one also isn’t a profession, it’s sure to make the rest of the country who is sick of this “phenomenon” happy. Fans compete to win a date with a Jacob or Edward double. In the first round, they must offer either their blood for drinking or their faces for clawing without anesthesia. In round II, fans have to flutter their eyes, be boring, eat cereal, stumble around, and say the most asinine, 12-year-old comments about their “team” of choice. In round III, they have to prove both their love and stupidity by risking their lives on a mystery adventure—cliff diving, swimming with piranhas, or being buried alive with a limb chopped off.

10 Awesome Chopped Spinoffs

If you are a Food Network fan (I’m a newbie myself) you might be into the addictive show called Chopped. In it, renowned chefs battle to beat one another—and the clock—by creating an appetizer, a main course, and a dessert out of specific ingredients they are all given in a short time frame. Some weird ingredients include peanut butter, cinnamon candies, sardines, and plenty of other curve balls. It’s a lot of fun to watch—and oddly addictive.

What would happen, I thought the other day during a commercial break, if other industries tried the Chopped formula? I think plenty of different areas could have some fun with the Chopped theme. Here are just ten of them.

10. Cops

Instead of the Cops show we all know and (don’t) love, this show features four cops as they rush to fulfill three different tasks. During the appetizer round, they must all run in circles and try to tase one another first; the main course involves chasing a fast suspect—first with a  car, then on foot—and seeing who can yank him down first by his ankles. The dessert round, of course, would involve getting a map to the nearest donut shop and seeing who can not only get there first, but also A. get free donuts, B. eat them the fastest, and C. lie their way out of it to the chief with the best story.

9. Teachers

I majored in education and taught in both America and Spain, so I know what a grueling—and rewarding—gig it can be. For the first round, teachers will have to create a lesson plan based on a provided theme with provided resources—such as Ancient Greece with a basketball, some shoe laces, and a pencil. The second round will involve teaching the theme to 25 students and giving them a pop quiz to see how effective it was. The final round will include dealing with a very irate and uninvolved parent with no teeth in a conference without getting punched in the face.

8. Artists

Each round involves a medium, whether the artists are familiar (or like) them or not. One round might be oil pastels, while the other two could be sculpting or making sand art. Specific tools may also be included.

7. Writers

Round one is a poem of mystery type—it could be a limerick, diamante, haiku, or any other type of poem. Round II is a quick screenplay that has to be acted out, with its genre—comedy, drama, horror, romance, or action—provided right before the timer starts. Round III is a short story based on a prompt.

6. Clerks

Most of us have experienced either fast food, retail, or other clerk hell at some point in our lives. To get back at customers we loathed, bosses that stank, and pay that stank even worse, Clerks Chopped can be centered around Clerks a la Kevin Smith. Round I involves insulting as many customers (in a pool of 100) as one can, with points only counting if customers A. swear, B. leave, or C. become violent. Round II includes being as disgusting regarding a product as possible with whatever creative props (plunger, dog poo, butter) are given in a setting provided (restaurant, bathroom, checkout lane, etc.). Round III has each clerk compete to see who can get fired first by the same boss at the same time during a busy shift, where the boss can only fire one person.

 

Part II

Dina Lohan - Still World's Best Mom

On the Today show this morning dreamy (balding) Matt Lauer interviewed everyones favorite mom - Dina Lohan! One of the most "important" questions Matt asked wast about how Lindsey is doing in rehab. The response by the Mother of the Year award winner "She's great. She's been through a lot. The judge played hardball. Lindsay was in prison with alleged murderers, and she's become friends with a lot of them. Lindsay's rolled with the punches and she's doing wonderfully."

Shes doing wonderfully with her new friends that like to murder people? What? Dina, "pumpkin tits" (my petname for her), are you freebasing? How is there anything wonderful about being pals with murderers - even if they only "allegedly" took PCP, got naked, and stabbed someone to death behind a Quiznos?

The #1 mom went on to say "I'm not condoning drinking and driving, but she's still paying the price for what she did in 2007". Thats what happens to people who drive under the influence, Dina. It comes back to them... over and over and over again. It's one of the reasons people should not be drinking and driving (or violate their parole when they do). People could die, or even worse, stop at the Jack in the Box drive through and throw up onion rings and tacos all over the car (allegedly).

When speaking about her stellar parenting Dina stated "I had to let her go and fall and fail. Without failure, there is no success." - this coming from the woman who is practically living off of her daughters fame and fortune.  It must have been really hard for you to watch all of that, too, and then have to book all of those paid appearances. You must have been crying all the way to the bank.

Ben Quayle Wrote Lite Porn; Lied About It

Another Truth Challenged Republican

The Associated Press reports that "Jay Leno is cracking Quayle jokes on late night. But now the rising target of comics is Ben Quayle, son of the gaffe-prone former vice president, who is committing doozies of his own in his campaign for Congress."

Young Mr. Ben Quayle is running as a family-values conservative. He wrote for a lite porn web site, and at first denied, then admitted that he had. Mr. Quayle used the alias 'Brock Landers," the name of a character from the 1997 movie "Boogie Nights" about porn stars in California. Oh, how original!

This Mr Quayle also is so inept, clumsy with his deception, that one would think he's brain deficient as well as truth challenged.

From the AP -- "Quayle sent a campaign mailer showing his wife and two young girls, with the words, 'We are going to raise our family here.' He and his wife have no children; the girls were his nieces. Campaign rival Vernon Parker accused Quayle of 'renting a family'."

That's a kind way of putting it.

This Mr. Quayle is also the same dude who called President Barack Obama "the worst president in history."

Please! Well, we know this Mr. Quayle doesn't tell the truth.

Richie Hayward, RIP

Richie Hayward, was an excellent drummer. He was the co-founder of the amazing jam band 'Little Feat', that played rock, country, jazz and blues. The band and Richie Hayward are being remembered for songs like "Willin."

The Associated Press reports that he died yesterday, Thursday morning, after complications of pneumonia. He was 64. Richie Hayward had liver cancer.

The AP reports -- "In a letter to fans last August, Hayward wrote about his predicament, but sounded hopeful: 'My intent is to come back to the band, as soon as I am physically able. Your love and support will mean a lot to me, more than I can say. I love and will miss you all, and I will see you again on the proud highway.' He last performed with the band on July 11."

When I hear the news that a singer or member of a band has died, whose music I have spent hours listening to, I find myself recalling from my memory scenes of where I was and of what I was doing when I first heard a song or a tune of theirs. What drew my attention away from what I was doing, to listen to their work. This morning, when I heard of Richie Hayward's passing, I found myself surfing the net and my memories. Watching video clips of Little Feat performing music, and appreciating the work off Richie Hayward, and of his friend Lowell George, who went before him.

Richie Hayward, RIP

Richie Hayward drum solo

Little Feat - Willin'

"Skyline," Is that it?

Trailer Review

I watched the trailer for the the sci-fi thriller "Skyline," It is labeled as a trailer. But it is a teaser. One minute thirty three seconds of a teaser. I read the synopsis put out by Universal Studios -- "strange lights descend on the city of Los Angeles, drawing people outside like moths to a flame where an extraterrestrial force threatens to swallow the entire human population off the face of the Earth."

Being a sci-fi fan from way back, ever since I watched "The Day The Earth Stood Still," (the 1951 version, the good one), I said WOW!

The trailer/teaser started with appropriate weird noise and a reminder that last year NASA sent a message into space inviting extraterrestrials to contact us. Straight away, I remembered Stephen Hawking warning last April, that we should avoid contact with aliens, unless we want a Darth Vader type showing up, annexing us to the some evil empire. So I thought, yeah those blockheads at NASA, broadcasting to the wolves of the universe, "Come and get us little lambs."

Then I heard Keith Olbermann, the news anchor, political commentator, host of MSNBC's Countdown, talking about Stephen Hawking's warning, then I saw him and I thought: What is this? A sci-fic thriller or a documentary? I fully, expected Keith Olbermann to continue and say something like, "Yeah, didn't I tell you, America?! Space aliens are behind everything that has been going wrong with America lately! Extraterrestrials infiltration is the explanation for the Tea Party Movement!" Next up, following the Olbermann clip, was Dan Rather. I wasn't surprised to see Dan Rather in a sci-fi flick. He continued with the Stephen Hawkings warning. It would have been cool, if there had been a clip of Dan Rather making references to "the frequency and Kenneth."

Then comes the CGI stuff -- looked like Universal may have opened the piggy bank and spent a fistful of dollars and a few more on special effects. Then what? Well, I saw people being vacuumed up into the sky, and I'm thinking Jerry Falwell now. The late fundamentalist, televangelist, who was always preaching that the end days were coming, and the faithful, particularly himself, were going to be "raptured" up to Heaven by God and be spared the terrible punishment. For the sinful, whom would perish in horrible torment as time ended. Well, I'm wondering: Was Falwell an alien? No, this is just a movie. Space ships seemed to be harvesting the human race.

The flick is due in theaters on November 12th. The directors are Colin Strause and Greg Strause. The cast includes Donald Faison, Eric Balfour, David Zayas, Scottie Thompson, Brittany Daniel.

This is a trailer review not a movie review. As for the trailer/teaser, I wish the 'trailer' was a trailer, fully loaded, or with enough stuff to tell/show me more about the story. I am suspicious of teasers. Often times they are used to sell flicks that are-all high concept, but with no depth, flicks with a good premiss but with no story.

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