You might not be able to see this well enough, which is probably a good thing as the image is terribly disturbing to the naked eye. I was doing a little Christmas shopping on Amazon tonight and checked to see their recommendations and was mortified to discover--well, not mortified enough not to report it to all my invisible and imagined fans on the Klat network--that I had been recommended Anti-Monkey Butt Sweat Absorber.
Personally recommended by the Amazon program that creates such recommendations.
My first reactions? Gross. Disgusting. Absolutely gross and disgusting. (You get the idea.)
And did Amazon not get the memo that I'm not going to Thailand this year? That I will not be suffering from an excess of butt sweat--not in fact that I personally ever did, but I have seen some who have suffered from it. Did Amazon not hear that I was not in fact a monkey? That I wasn't interested in novelty gifts at this stage in my life, but in more interested in deep novels describing disturbing international situations?
What did I purchase to get this recommendation? What did I buy? Oh, why oh why, Amazon, did you recommend the Anti-Monkey Butt Sweat Absorbing Powder for me? Not only am I not a monkey, I don't even have a pet monkey. And even if I did have a pet monkey, I doubt that I would be so attentive to his or her personal hygiene that I would put some Anti-Sweat powder up there. It's just a little too personal and difficult to imagine and I didn't see that Butt Sweat Absorbing Powder came with gloves.
Of course, if you are on my short and sweet Christmas list and would like some Anti-Monkey Butt Sweat Absorbing Powder, just let me know and I will send you some. It's not as expensive as you might expect and I'm 100% certain that the famed powder will absorb any sweat that you and your loved ones may have on your tropical vacations, especially if you are headed to a nudist resort for Christmas as one family member who shall remain un-named may be.
Nothing but the best for my family and friends. All on Amazon.com. And who am I to complain if the best is Anti-Monkey Butt Sweat Absorbing Powder? (Don't worry Mom, you're NOT the family member who is in jeopardy of getting this particular gift. I've got other secret ideas for you that are hopefully are a little more fitting for a woman of your stature.)