There are two kinds of people in the United States: Those who like mayonnaise and those who like Miracle Whip. There is absolutely no such thing as a person who likes both. Don’t believe me? It’s been scientifically proven time and time again by countless scientists and researchers at great universities across the United States.
For those of you strange and twisted enough to be in the Miracle Whip camp--you know who you are--you will be extra happy to learn about Miracle Whip’s new promotion, which is unbelievable in its size and scope. If you take two seconds to take what basically amounts to a Miracle Whip versus mayonnaise survey, Miracle Whip will mail you two small samples of Miracle Whip to share with your friends, family, and pets.
Each small Miracle Whip packet is 7/16th of an ounce. If you are in the mayo camp, you can still order the two free Miracle Whip samples. As a joke or for that hard-to-buy presents for person on their birthday, you can order Miracle Whip for them instead of yourself.
Nothing says selfless like a couple of free packets of Miracle Whip at all.
If you don’t believe that this is a real promotion, please take a minute to go to this amazingly fantabulous website to find out for yourself just how generous the Miracle Whip brand actually is. Just note that the packets take four to six weeks for delivery, so if you are hankering for a Miracle Whip sample today, you might be shit out of luck.
Who knows? The free samples might actually make non-believers converts to Miracle Whip. Of course, since every sandwich I’ve ever had with Miracle Whip has ruined the taste of the entire sandwich, I highly doubt it. Just don’t tell the genius marketing team at Miracle Whip that I said that.
Of course, there are the few and the proud (like one of my cousins who infamously vomited when forced to eat a sandwich with warm mayo on it) who claim that they don’t like either Miracle Whip or mayonnaise. We all know that they are secretly either aliens or Europeans who are exceedingly good at imitating our beautiful American accents, though, so they don’t count at all. It’s a rule that every American likes either one or the other.
Right?