I really wish I’d been consulted for this parody! We make parodying Twilight our business around this house; in fact, I might say that it’s one of our top five favorite forms of entertainment. So I’m hoping that they might use some of our favorite poking-fun-at-Bella-and-the-Cullens devices in the movie, such as…
A Napoleon Dynamite Scene: Our favorite way to mock this franchise is to mock the way Edward always has to feed Bella—how he’s always concerned that she didn’t preface her day with some cardboard sugar-coated cereal or something. We mimic Napoleon flinging food at his llama, and say in the same nasally voice, “Eat Bella, you fat tub of lard! Gosh!” And then, the one we love best—especially when we actually make potatoes of any kind—is when one of us says, “Jacob! Give me some of your tots!” and the other says, “No! These tots are for Bella, Edward!” Oh, man. I know it might sound lame, but it gets us rolling into hysterics every time.
A Play on Crosses, Garlic, Etc.: One of my biggest grievances with the series—aside from the poor writing and lack of main characters with personalities—is that the only thing these vampires do that make them vamps is drink blood. That’s it. There are no other tie-ins with historical vampires at all (so, like, why was Bella able to even find out what they were based on her crappy “research”? Shouldn’t she have deduced that they were more like aliens, ravers, or just people on steroids?), and instead we got Glitter!Vamps! Oy. I’d love to have something mocking all of that.
Bella Dies: Or Edward dies. Either would be great and interesting. Either could be given a personality and made interesting, as well, if the writers felt like spending five minutes on devising something other than what was provided in the books. Works for me.
What is your favorite Twilight parody? Are you looking forward to the film, or do you think it’ll be just as bad as the rest of the unfunny parodies we’ve seen in the last decade?